Becoming
Becoming
I rarely think of myself as finished.
That is not self-rejection. It is just the clearest description of how I experience my own life. The current version of me is real, but it is also transitional. I can feel the distance between what I already am and what I still need to grow into if I want the life I keep pointing toward.
How it feels in practice
Becoming is not dramatic most of the time. It looks like skill built slowly enough that other people barely notice the change at first. It looks like taste becoming sharper. It looks like carrying more responsibility without panicking. It looks like staying with hard things longer. It looks like learning how to hold ambition without letting it turn theatrical.
That is why this page touches so many other parts of the wiki. Building Duodode is part of becoming. Getting better at the actual work is part of becoming. The same goes for the quieter layers: how I speak, how I think, who I trust, what I keep returning to when things get unclear.
Why I need the word
I need this word because identity by itself can get too static. If I only speak in terms of who I am, it becomes easier to protect the current version of myself. Becoming keeps a little pressure in the system. It reminds me that more will be required from me later than has been required so far.
That pressure has often been sharpened by people around me. Brian and Shaurya both belong to different stages of that process. Being around people who are pushing in their own direction changes the standard, even if nobody says it out loud.
I do not always enjoy the tension inside becoming. But I trust it more than comfort.